I've had a few ideas over the last couple of months for things to write about. But one keeps coming back up each day. This messy, silly idea of process.
I really like to finish what I start. It's a big mantra to me. My yes is yes, my no is no, kind of idea. I think there is no excuse for not following through on what someone has said they'd do. No one holds a gun to someone's head (in normal circumstances) and makes them say yes or no to something they don't want to give that answer to. Thus, the mantra. Finish what you start. (this was a bit of pedal stool speech)
Which takes me to the latest finishing what I started situation. After high school, I attended community college. I did not take it very seriously. I wanted to do other things, and those doors were flinging wide open for me, so I did ALL of them! I do not regret it at all. Yet, I always said I would finish my Associates. The other day I found out my brother is going back to college. He's a super hard working guy, I know he'll do far better than he might believe he would. I just know. But it got me immediately thinking about my degree, plus my dad said "you need to finish your degree." lol!
This was maybe two days ago, at the most. And today, I have been stressing out because I don't have it entirely figured out yet.
Process
Ever read a book, or the Bible...and only certain things stand out to you? I was reading a page of a book not too long ago, and certain parts were sticking out to me. I looked at a few parts of sentences that were not sticking out to me-important parts. Deep, life changing parts...They were not striking that hard chord in my gut...I had permission to pass them by.
For me, this shame of not having things figured out, not knowing the answers...it guides me to the door of confession. Shame pushes me toward the Lord, who reminds me that He has me in this process. The burden is not on me. He has it. I go through that door, to acknowledgement, confession, and that wonderful willingness to cooperate and participate with Him. What He bought with His blood. Friendship. Love. Intimacy...all those things our whole being craves.
And I long for the day when Shame is not my escort to that place with God.
This long post, all to say, it's not a series of processes, so much as it is process with God. He's got us...we need feel no shame. We need not walk with shame. Or think, in my case.
Thank you Lord for the tenderness, mercy, sovereignty You guide us with.
