thoughts on responsibility

We are made in God's image. We all like to talk, we love to be heard! We love to have our thoughts matter to someone else. God must be this way. He must really want His thoughts to matter to us. Thoughts on flowers, children, the different nations, the future, the day...His thoughts on the things we are willing to share with Him.

When He speaks, it's different than we speak. Every word, impression, moment, breath weighs immensely. Nothing is light. I get terrified to go to Him sometimes, with nothing more on the agenda than just to listen. What He says is heavy. What He allows me to perceive carries a responsibility.

I think He has always been saying a lot, but maybe hearing it has increased.

This morning in worship, He showed me a scene at His throne. People were coming to Him and picking up items that were gift wrapped, mostly Christmas paper. Each person was picking up an item for someone they knew needed it. Everyone had so much joy.  Each person walked with purpose and expectation. These items were gifts from the Father, from Heaven. They were treasures being delivered to specific people in the lives of those who went to God's throne.

As I wrote at the beginning of this piece, God must be like us, or we must be like God. We want to be heard and known, because He wants to be heard and known so deeply.

He wants to be adored. He awaits us to turn our attention to Him and look in His face. He will capture us, hold us up to eye level with Him. That's where the scene at His throne starts. Looking in His face, adoring Him, then seeing the way to His seat and doing what He does. Gift wrapped joy and provision and blessing and love for us and those in our lives. He loves. He loves to love. He loves to be loved, like we do.

God, help us look in Your eyes. And help us not be afraid of what we see there, of what You show us next. Help us to see Your joy and say yes to doing what You do! Overcome and overwhelm us. Fill us with Love. Show us Your love, God!

(Disclaimer: I hope I write pieces/articles/poems/essays about this topic over and over again for the rest of my life. God is not done talking about this and opening more of this for us to see. He's not done talking!) hahahahahaha

not ready

I never know how to start these blogs. Never. So, the thing to do must be to jump right in, eyes wide open.

I used to be really close with God. There wasn't a moment of any day that I did't bring Him into. It was the most joyful time in my life. There was nothing sad about anything, there was no need, no want unfulfilled. It was ridiculously fun and adventurous living like that with Him. A real romance. Felt like a fairytale. 

Then I spent years being distracted, complacent, bored, deaf, dumb, and stubborn. There's much more to this, which someday I'll write about, but the bottom line is that I repented.

I'm on my way back to Him, these past few months. He's more gracious with me than I could have imagined. 

In those years I was not spending close to Him, I got really religious. Imagine that. Here's what he unraveling for me now...

It's like when you have surprise guest over to your home, you panic trying to keep the worst of your mess out of their site. Trying to race ahead of them to clean up the dirty dishes, wipe down the toilet, shove stuff under the bed, and so on. Anything to make sure they don't know you're not ok. 

I wouldn't let Him near me. I wouldn't' let Him touch me. He was not allowed to see or to know that I was dying. I was not making it, and He would be so disappointed. 

But He isn't giving me time to clean up, to get ready, to cover. He's coming into my unready heart. We aren't spending time reviewing and inspecting the messes. He's already cleaned them up while I looked in His eyes. He just keeps walking right up to me, catching me, while I run away-trying to keep Him from the next pile of filth. 

I'm still learning.

He keeps saying it. He just wants in. 

So I had believed I had to have things together, fixed, sorted, figured out before I could ask Him to come to me. Touch me. Heal me. Talk to me. Take me. Be with me. That is backward. He comes, then things settle. I'm still learning.

I'm still in transit. We are always still in transit. From glory to glory. Deeper and deeper, the rabbit hole goes. 

I hope this encourages someone. Let Him come.

Jesus come.