waterfalls

Waterfalls have always spoke to me. They have always had something to say. Rushing waters is the description of the voice of the Lord, and what is more rushing than a water fall. They are so vibrant, alive, and even terrifying. They rush and they crash. They are uncontrollable and mesmerizing.

Waterfalls look like Jesus and love. They are an ocean and a fountain. We get put in the center of the flow, totally surrounded by the chaos of water and love and blood.

My favorite thing about waterfalls is that they are wild. I love the word wild. Unpredictable and wild is my prayer, hope, and expectation for life.
C. S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce describes a waterfalls in this excerpt. This calls to life the romance and love of our souls:
“‘Fool. Put it down,’ said a great voice suddenly. It was quite unlike any other voice I had heard so far.  It was a thunderous yet liquid voice. With an appalling certainty I knew that the waterfall itself was speaking: and I saw now (though it did not cease to look like a waterfall) that it was also a bright angel who stood, like one crucified, against the rocks and poured himself perpetually down towards the forest with loud joy.”
Mighty Rushing Waters speaks. Yet another glimpse of the Lord we are invited to search out and enjoy and lose ourselves in. Oh, yes Jesus, I will.


come follow at my new blog site:
http://marandahope.wordpress.com/2014/01/25/waterfalls/

new blog site

Hello all,
I have switched over to Word Press.
If you are receiving my blog by email, you can sign up on my blog at word press for the same option.
I have two posts on the new blog already :)

Thank you for the love and support. I am working on writing more and developing this muscle :)

Below is the link to my new blog. Love you!
http://marandahope.wordpress.com/

thoughts on responsibility

We are made in God's image. We all like to talk, we love to be heard! We love to have our thoughts matter to someone else. God must be this way. He must really want His thoughts to matter to us. Thoughts on flowers, children, the different nations, the future, the day...His thoughts on the things we are willing to share with Him.

When He speaks, it's different than we speak. Every word, impression, moment, breath weighs immensely. Nothing is light. I get terrified to go to Him sometimes, with nothing more on the agenda than just to listen. What He says is heavy. What He allows me to perceive carries a responsibility.

I think He has always been saying a lot, but maybe hearing it has increased.

This morning in worship, He showed me a scene at His throne. People were coming to Him and picking up items that were gift wrapped, mostly Christmas paper. Each person was picking up an item for someone they knew needed it. Everyone had so much joy.  Each person walked with purpose and expectation. These items were gifts from the Father, from Heaven. They were treasures being delivered to specific people in the lives of those who went to God's throne.

As I wrote at the beginning of this piece, God must be like us, or we must be like God. We want to be heard and known, because He wants to be heard and known so deeply.

He wants to be adored. He awaits us to turn our attention to Him and look in His face. He will capture us, hold us up to eye level with Him. That's where the scene at His throne starts. Looking in His face, adoring Him, then seeing the way to His seat and doing what He does. Gift wrapped joy and provision and blessing and love for us and those in our lives. He loves. He loves to love. He loves to be loved, like we do.

God, help us look in Your eyes. And help us not be afraid of what we see there, of what You show us next. Help us to see Your joy and say yes to doing what You do! Overcome and overwhelm us. Fill us with Love. Show us Your love, God!

(Disclaimer: I hope I write pieces/articles/poems/essays about this topic over and over again for the rest of my life. God is not done talking about this and opening more of this for us to see. He's not done talking!) hahahahahaha

not ready

I never know how to start these blogs. Never. So, the thing to do must be to jump right in, eyes wide open.

I used to be really close with God. There wasn't a moment of any day that I did't bring Him into. It was the most joyful time in my life. There was nothing sad about anything, there was no need, no want unfulfilled. It was ridiculously fun and adventurous living like that with Him. A real romance. Felt like a fairytale. 

Then I spent years being distracted, complacent, bored, deaf, dumb, and stubborn. There's much more to this, which someday I'll write about, but the bottom line is that I repented.

I'm on my way back to Him, these past few months. He's more gracious with me than I could have imagined. 

In those years I was not spending close to Him, I got really religious. Imagine that. Here's what he unraveling for me now...

It's like when you have surprise guest over to your home, you panic trying to keep the worst of your mess out of their site. Trying to race ahead of them to clean up the dirty dishes, wipe down the toilet, shove stuff under the bed, and so on. Anything to make sure they don't know you're not ok. 

I wouldn't let Him near me. I wouldn't' let Him touch me. He was not allowed to see or to know that I was dying. I was not making it, and He would be so disappointed. 

But He isn't giving me time to clean up, to get ready, to cover. He's coming into my unready heart. We aren't spending time reviewing and inspecting the messes. He's already cleaned them up while I looked in His eyes. He just keeps walking right up to me, catching me, while I run away-trying to keep Him from the next pile of filth. 

I'm still learning.

He keeps saying it. He just wants in. 

So I had believed I had to have things together, fixed, sorted, figured out before I could ask Him to come to me. Touch me. Heal me. Talk to me. Take me. Be with me. That is backward. He comes, then things settle. I'm still learning.

I'm still in transit. We are always still in transit. From glory to glory. Deeper and deeper, the rabbit hole goes. 

I hope this encourages someone. Let Him come.

Jesus come.

old poetry

I used to write a lot of poetry. Mainly 2004 to 2006. Jim is the only one who's read it. I guess I'm very protective of it. But a few months ago he put most of them together in a collection for me. I have picked it up a few times recently and decided to start sharing them a little through this blog.

One of the main things I used to write about was Mary's worship of Jesus. This is one of many, and I'll be putting some more of my poetry up in the future. I hope I get start writing poetry more too. It's not poetry in the technical sense...So don't be expecting the right mechanics ;)

(not dated, but likely sometime mid-2005)

What must it have felt like to feel the flow of the oil from 
Your calf, to Your ankle, to Your feet, to Your toes?

What must it have felt like to have a slow run of anointing 
our over You and saturate You?

What did it feel like to have tears and hair - mixed - 
to be the rag that cleaned You after being touched already
so extravagantly?
                              ~
What was it like to pour it out on Him? To try desperately to 
ignore the stares and the jealousy in the room with you?
To feel the doubt and the worry that you had done something
even more inappropriate than having simply walked in to be with 
Him?

Did He turn and grab your hands, hold them and look into your
eye, withe such love and assurance that you were never wrong?
For Him, you could never be wrong. 

Pondering this scene in John, and the other gospels where it's recorded, it's one of my favorite things to see in my mind's eye. There's a  lot more, to see, to learn, to do, to live. Thanks for reading.

if you weren't afraid

The past couple of days, the phrase spoken by an old friend Steve Kenney, has been stirring:

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

We immediately jump to the big thing, the huge goals we would accomplish! This used to be my favorite thing to do. I would take on huge mountains. Sometimes it'd be the fight of my life, and sometimes, it would all go very smoothly. I became unafraid. I think that's the goal. But I wasn't unafraid because of the Lord. I was just good at it. 

Let's take it back a few steps. Let's leave the mountains with our names on them to conquer. Walk a little ways away...have a seat in your favorite chair. Close your eyes. Breathe... Let the Lord come near you and share some space with you.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I would breathe easy if I weren't afraid. 

The thing I am most afraid of is being in the same place next year that I am now. By place, I mean, same location spiritually, emotionally, in maturity, marriage, communication, relationships, so on. 

And so if I weren't afraid, I would breathe...I would sleep, I would trust God. 

The glimpses I get in the Spirit now are more often small and simple things than huge, glorious things. If I were not afraid, I would let things stay simple. I would let things stay in God's hands, in His time and I would breathe my breaths with Him. I would live with Him...and there would be life. 

I'm very good at being a human. Humans make things more complicated than they were ever meant to be. We put so many rules of everything that exists or could exist. I had expectations, rules, and goals for this week on vacation. SO I struggle against that, because I think the time was granted so I could learn to breathe. 

I find myself lately struggling to be myself again, like I did in junior high. Hopefully this is all just another layer, hopefully several, of the onion being peeled away and I will see God in this land...When we can trust ourselves and our abilities, the land is no good. I think that's what the past year has been rich with...digging up this ground that's been plowed and plowed to death. And digging where I haven't before. Striking that hard ground, hard as cement. Until it gives. The heart must be starting to give, because there's been a surge of striking the cement to find the earth under it. 

Sitting and breathing and learning with the Lord to be unafraid won't mean you never get another mountain to conquer. It just means He takes you there, and it's not about the mountain with your name on it. It's life with Him, your breaths with Him. 

a dirty-silly word

I've had a few ideas over the last couple of months for things to write about. But one keeps coming back up each day. This messy, silly idea of process.

I really like to finish what I start. It's a big mantra to me. My yes is yes, my no is no, kind of idea.  I think there is no excuse for not following through on what someone has said they'd do. No one holds a gun to someone's head  (in normal circumstances) and makes them say yes or no to something they don't want to give that answer to. Thus, the mantra. Finish what you start. (this was a bit of pedal stool speech)

Which takes me to the latest finishing what I started situation. After high school, I attended community college. I did not take it very seriously. I wanted to do other things, and those doors were flinging wide open for me, so I did ALL of them! I do not regret it at all. Yet, I always said I would finish my Associates. The other day I found out my brother is going back to college. He's a super hard working guy, I know he'll do far better than he might believe he would. I just know. But it got me immediately thinking about my degree, plus my dad said "you need to finish your degree." lol!

This was maybe two days ago, at the most. And today, I have been stressing out because I don't have it entirely figured out yet.
Process

Ever read a book, or the Bible...and only certain things stand out to you? I was reading a page of a book not too long ago, and certain parts were sticking out to me. I looked at a few parts of sentences that were not sticking out to me-important parts. Deep, life changing parts...They were not striking that hard chord in my gut...I had permission to pass them by.

For me, this shame of not having things figured out, not knowing the answers...it guides me to the door of confession. Shame pushes me toward the Lord, who reminds me that He has me in this process. The burden is not on me. He has it. I go through that door, to acknowledgement, confession, and that wonderful willingness to cooperate and participate with Him. What He bought with His blood. Friendship. Love. Intimacy...all those things our whole being craves.

And I long for the day when Shame is not my escort to that place with God.

This long post, all to say, it's not a series of processes, so much as it is process with God. He's got us...we need feel no shame. We need not walk with shame. Or think, in my case.

Thank you Lord for the tenderness, mercy, sovereignty You guide us with.