Skin

I knew I would do this, not add any writings...I need to shake out of it and write more. I need to write with abandon...This is something I wrote on January 18. I'm like most girls and easily jump right into the slum of believing the opposite of the truth about myself. And then Jesus comes so soft and helps me hear the Truth he is...in small doses (the only size I can handle).  Here, some more thoughts:

I opened up the bible this morning while at my desk, to the part where you calm the storm. You told them they had little faith because they thought that the storm would kill them. A sudden storm, that would pass, so scared them, they believed very quickly that they would die. You could have rebuked them, certainly far worse that what you did.

I need to see Jesus that it is you. It is you, and not me. You don’t want me to say I’m a stupid girl…or talk about myself that way.  The truth is you are with me NOW. Not later when I get my act together. You are with me right now, in my crummy office, alone with me now…and yet you are bigger than my tiny little world. Please expose anything that needs to come to light and be repented of. I don’t like this silly emotional and physical prison. It hurts. It’s a pain that I was not desinged to feel, because it is separation from you. I simply was not made to ever function in it. I was made to function in the pain of losing my self as I travel more with you, where you are and where you go.

My skin was designed to let go of my body. So I can one day move and flow and not be stuck as I am now. I was not made to stay this way. I was not made to always think and feel as I do now. It always needs to expand. So my skin has always known it would have to let go of me.  You are beauitful. You are good. The only thing I have been able to say to you for a while now is that you are beauitful. It’s only thing I can see or conceive lately.